Honestly, Honesty

To the student who got to keep the marks that she didn’t actually earn. To the customer that got to keep the extra change that they accidentally received, after being truthful with the cashier… To the teacher who got the job after being honest about her… Oh wait, that didn’t actually happen…. 

I photocopied my evaluation, took off my jacket, wrote down my references and walked into that office – answers blaring ready to face any questions that were about to come at me. Engaging in small talk, I was honest about my situation – my contract date to be specific, and then I hear the words…”we can’t interview you”. 

Just like that my heart drops – an opportunity gone, the fear of the unknown creeping back in. Disappointment that I don’t get the opportunity to divulge what I know, my experience with the population. It is hard enough to obtain an interview, so to not be given the opportunity to be interviewed was hard to hear. A flood of emotions swept over me – regret, embarrassment, anger, sadness, disappointment, fear. All at once – would you believe me if I said that I am not an emotional person?

The contract dates overlapped. I understand. I also have no one to blame – they were following the rules, I was trying to seize every and any opportunity that would come my way. And unfortunately, this was not one that I would be ‘seizing’ anytime soon. I had multiple conversations regarding whether or not I should reveal the end date of my contract with many people. Some said ‘be upfront’, some said ‘be upfront only if they ask’. Others said, ‘Interview, wait until they want you, and then tell them the situation’. But I am held to a higher standard – and so the right thing, the biblical thing, the obedient thing to do was to be honest and upfront – hiding nothing. And so I did – and unfortunately things didn’t work out the way that I would have liked them to.

It’s so easy to think that obedience to Christ means that we will always get what we want – until things don’t turn out the way I want them to. But following Christ requires sacrifice, promises persecution, endures hardship, and calls for obedience, even when the outcome is not in our favour. We are not promised straight A’s, a comfortable & safe life, nor are we promised a full time job with benefits and summers off. We receive something better – unfathomable truth, an everlasting joy, victory over sin and death, eternal life, forgiveness of our sins, righteousness through Christ, the gift of the Holy Spirit, grace upon grace.

I would have loved this job, but I thank God that He is sovereign, because I know that it is not where He wants me. He is going to use me in a different way, in a better way, in a way I may never know, to give Him glory. Also, His faithfulness has never failed me, why should I start doubting now?

So I walked to the car, without an interview, jobless and angry – a myriad of thoughts and feelings intertwining like a web. This was not a happy ending. Honestly, honesty – I hope we can do better next time…. but at least I can write about it. 

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