I am the problem.

I am both sad and angry. I am sad because our world is broken. I am sad because of lives lost. I am sad because this world is violent, unjust, sinful and wrong. I am angry because I did not say anything earlier, I am angered by inaction and lack of dialogue in my own community. I am angered by complacency, self-righteousness and stiffness to change. But what saddens me the most is coming to the conclusion that I am more part of the problem than I am part of the solution.

I don’t believe that the world can be divided into racists and non-racists. We all have underlying biases, presumptions, and stereotypes that we believe even though we may not necessarily be conscious of it. We may not be holding that gun or have a knee to a neck. But we may be that ‘Karen’ in the park, the person holding the camera, or the police officer who does nothing. It is easy to sit in front of a screen and watch videos, read the news, and listen to podcasts and assume that you are not a racist and that you would not do something so terrible. I do not expect people to stand up and proclaim that they are racist…

BUT,

If you heard about Ahmaud Arbery and you bring up the break in,
If you saw George Floyd, and you wondered what happened seconds before,
If you heard Christian Cooper, and ask what the person behind the camera looked like,
If your heart is not broken over what has happened in these past weeks…
CHANGE. THE. QUESTION.  Do not assume you are not the problem.

This is not about who is right or wrong, or even necessarily what is just or unjust. We are not the Judge, and we will never be. Not one of us is good, not even one.  This is about the human race. This is about individuals who were created in the likeness of God. This is about people who are being hurt by other people, not just physically but emotionally. Let’s have fruitful discussion, let’s get to the root, let’s question ourselves.

Ask your present self and your future self…

Could I, through my biases, beliefs and stereotypes potentially hurt someone in the black community? If yes, what am I going to change and how?

How can I constructively stand and support the black community?

What can I do to change the future biases of generations in the future?

I do not know the answer to these questions … and that for me, is part of the problem.