I walked into the classroom as he slid down on his rocking chair. Eyes of mischief and with a steady grin on his face, I approached him to say hello. He tilted his head in response, eyes transfixed on my face and with his quiet and gentle tone of voice I heard…” your face, SQUEEZE IT!” He gently reached his hand up to my cheek and pushed it into my face. 

I have been reading a book called “The Reason I Jump”, a book answering frequent questions that might be posed to someone with Autism. The author, Naoki Higashida, has autism and has written the book by pointing to letters of the Japanese alphabet. Yesterday, I was reading the answer to the question: When you look at something, what do you see first? To which, part of his response was “Sometimes I actually pity you for not being able to see the beauty of the world in the same way we do… Every single thing has its own unique beauty. People with Autism get to cherish this beauty as if it’s a kind of blessing given to us. Wherever we go, Whatever we do, we can never be completely lonely. We may look like we are not with anyone, but we’re always in the company of friends.”

I read that page twice, allowing the words to sink in as a grin swept across my face as I thought of how my students constantly see the beauty in the small things around them…

She looks at pieces of paper and plastic bags like they are $100 dollar bills. She takes an empty chip bag and rips it up meticulously into small pieces, not allowing one piece to be missed and fall to the floor. She grins as she lets the pieces fall in between her fingers.

He stops in front of each classroom, allowing his fingers to trace over the raised edges of the classroom numbers. 118, he whispers to himself as he moves on to the next sign.  

In the morning he selects a tub of Playdoh. A tub of Playdoh that is so dearly loved, but is never opened. It is slightly moist from being gripped all day, but is proudly shown to all those who pass by him as if he were gripping a gold medal. 

He plays the same videos over and over again, rehearsing the different stops going west on the 401. I am not quite sure how many views that youtube video has, but I am almost certain, they are all from him. 

Her fingers slide back and forth on the computer screen in front of her. A video is playing… a video of someone else playing a video game on the Nintendo DS. It makes no difference to her. 

He stares at his fingers and smiles, rubbing his hands together and moving them back and forth from his face. He could do this all day, with such joy and contentment. 

He sneaks the unsharpened pencil into his desk. It might be his Kepltomania… But I am choosing to see this as beauty. 

I wish I could see beauty the same way my students do.
I wish I could appreciate rather than fuss about small details.
I wish I could see things for what they are, rather than what they are missing.

They have so much to teach us, I have so much to learn.



Today I picture God as a freight train holding up a stop sign with a loud speaker, blowing a horn and gracefully yelling… “you need me…”. All the while, He opens his arms, eyes transfixed on us, simply waiting for us to embrace Him.

Today I picture the Lord wincing at my sin, grieving over harsh words, and yet gently turning me around and saying “right that wrong… not because you can, but because I can.”

Today I picture the Lord chuckling to Himself over what an amazing invention the Stairmaster is, as He watches my beads of sweat drop to the floor.

Today I picture the Lord as Violet Parr from the Incredibles, literally casting a shield of protection over His children.

Today I picture the Lord’s hands pressed on both my cheeks, gently forcing me to look at Him, as my eyes try to sneak a peak at the Olympic Games.

Today I picture the Lord standing behind me, giving me that little push forward.

Today I picture the Lord beside me, with His arm around my shoulder whispering in my ear “Trust me. Remember the Cross?  I’ve got this… I’ve got you.” 

Thank you Lord, for necessary desperate days like today.


From your unmarried friend.

Let me start by saying that this letter is addressed to no one in particular, but rather a summation of thoughts that have been on my heart. I have incredible friends, married and single, and I rejoice in all of them. I have many friendships that have changed over the years as a result of marriage, and new and wonderful friendships that have developed because of it. This letter is a letter of ideal, written from the perspective of thankfulness. Some of the things mentioned, I experience all the time, and others, I wished I experienced more. I hope in some way, I am echoing the thoughts of fellow unmarried friends, while encouraging my married friends to continue to love us in the way that you do… or perhaps be moved to start. 

Dear Married Friend,

Thankfulness doesn’t seem to explain it. This friendship has been an incredible blessing in my life. I am thankful for your honesty and for your transparency and for giving me a glimpse of a most intimate and precious relationship. I am thankful for invitations to your home and for your hospitality. How encouraging it is to see a couple who loves on others while they love each other!

Thank you for allowing me, as a single, to see that marriage isn’t the ultimate goal, but that your marriage has continued to spur you on in love and good works as you continue to seek the Lord and glorify Him. Your pursuit of the Lord together is encouraging. I see your marriage and the way that you love and serve God together, a high standard it has set for me as I also long for marriage.

I can’t yet understand marriage, mainly because I am not married. And yet you continue to bless me with yours! Can I tell you how grateful I am that you share your struggles, allowing me to not idolize marriage, but to prepare for it. Marriage is not butterflies and rainbows, but rather an ongoing commitment in choosing to sacrificially love one another. Thank you for being realistic with me and using your marriage as a way to encourage and not put down.

I am grateful because you do not define me as a single, but you look at me as a fellow sister in Christ. I may not be able to relate to what you are going through, but I appreciate your openness, transparency and honesty. I want to pray for you and see your marriage flourish and be fruitful. I struggle with ongoing sin, sometimes thinking that marriage will be a fix to all my desires. And yet as a Christ follower, our journey, struggles, endurance and battle continue until the day when we are face to face with Christ. Let us continue to journey together, despite the different life stages that we may be in.

Lastly, thank you for making the effort in our friendship. Sometimes, I am not sure if I am intruding on quality time with your spouse and family, and so I am more hesitant to initiate. This makes the time that we spend together all the more precious and blessed. I appreciate the time that you carve out for me, although I do look forward to the day when I too can bring my spouse. Speaking of which, let me know if you know anyone 😉

You have used the marriage that God has blessed you with to bless others, all the while encouraging me in my walk with Christ, and in my singleness. I am incredibly grateful for this gift of friendship.

With love and gratefulness,

Your unmarried… & single friend.



I pressed play,  the video started and the words “evangelism, gospel, Jesus, discipleship, God’s love” rang and repeated throughout the one minute and forty six seconds. I was in a secular environment, an environment where religion is respected, but faith is not discussed. I starred, looking forward, nervous and scared of the responses that this video might elicit. Afraid to make eye contact, and yet wishing that I could read the thoughts of the people in the room around me. It felt like the longest minute and forty six seconds, as I tried to determine my next actions, my next words. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but it was necessary. This leads me to…

More discomfort.
I want to be uncomfortable in this world. Don’t get me wrong, I want my pants and shoes to fit correctly and my mosquito bites to not itch, but I want my faith to challenge me. I want the gospel to drive me to have hard conversations in love and to give up certain luxuries for the sake of serving others. It’s the attitude of my heart that needs to change, because right now, I am sitting at home in my pajamas, with a handful of chocolate chips  thinking of my next Roots purchase. I want to be bold and entrust my life to the Lord, knowing that whatever suffering and affliction that I might encounter, there is a purpose. I long to be transformed by the word and not conformed to the world. I want to be uncomfortable.

{The above was written two months ago – not much has changed other than I am currently off of sugar, and trying not to spend money on unnecessary items… such as Roots purchases. The following, was written today.}

More Prayer
Does anyone else treat prayer like a diet? I can readily admit that in my walk and pursuit of Christ, prayer has been my greatest struggle. This morning I wrote the following after my God time: “May Your word and prayer be the weapons that I turn to today.” Little did I know that this prayer would be answered by my car failing to starting this morning. The dreaded sound of what sounds like the start of an engine… only to have it lead to silence. After a couple of tries, I sauntered inside while making a mental list of who I should call – my co-workers, my father, my mechanic, CAA – all those seemed more productive than calling on the Lord. And yet… one prayer later, my car started. Our God is a BIG God, who hears our prayers. It is the most productive thing I can do, and yet it is the very thing I fail to do the most...

More Vulnerability
I realize this year how much I appreciate the vulnerability and openness of others. This year, my relationships have taught me that vulnerability reveals the strength of the individual, and the authenticity of a relationship. Vulnerability is difficult for me, and yet necessary for me to become less, and for Christ to become more – for His strength to be shown in my weakness. It brings me great joy to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep (Rom 12:15) – I am thankful for the times that I have been able to both rejoice and weep with others this year and for the friendships that have taught me the importance of vulnerability as we walk and grow in the Lord together.

More Care
This year I am trying to care for people. Mainly because this is something that I do not do well. It is much easier to care for myself…  with Netflix & Food for example- both of which likely occupy my thoughts more than they should *cough*idols*cough. I am learning that caring for people is difficult, tiring, selfless and hard. It takes time, thought, money and effort. ALL of which, if I weren’t a follower of Jesus, I would like to keep to myself…. but alas (yes I said alas), I am. Let me also add that it is hard to care for people and be HUMBLE about it. Especially because I’m pretty proud of myself… AND I want people to know… but not even my right hand should know about my left is doing… which is pretty hard considering they can get pretty “hands”y with each other…. heh. All that to say… caring for people is hard, but I’m going to try to do it anyway.

So thats it…
More discomfort. More prayer. More vulnerability. More care….and ultimately… More of Him, less of me. 

I vow…

Tomorrow is the start of a new school year. I am filled with anxiety of not knowing what is to come, and yet anxious because I do not know what I am anxious about. So here, I write.

In all honesty, insecurities have set in. I am going into my 5th year of occasional teaching, not yet securing a permanent teaching job. It is humbling to set foot in yet another classroom for a set period of time, currently unaware of what is going to happen past February 2018. There is an underlying tone of competition that occurs between conversations with other teachers; a secret envy of those who have gotten contracts and a sigh of relief when someone else is in the same boat as me. Should I do more – more extracurriculars, more to get noticed, more additional qualifications, more for the students, more for the teachers, more for the administration?

Jaded – is what some teachers call it, and yet I am reminded of the faithfulness of God in even providing me with constant work for the past couple of years. God has placed me in different schools every year, using me to plant seeds, to be the light, to share the gospel, to encourage, to serve. This year I will be working with three different classes – what an opportunity for God to be working through me. Because I work for a BIG God, a God who is bigger than seniority numbers, administration and failed interviews, a sovereign God who has a plan and who works all things out for my good.

More than that, I am not working for a permanent, stable, comfortable job with summers off and great benefits (though upon typing this out, I wouldn’t turn it down). I am working to seek first the Kingdom of God, to build His kingdom here and to give Him all the glory. I pray that I will be reminded of that this year; if I happen to forget, feel free to remind me.

“Our calling is simple, Reflect the image and the likeness of Jesus Christ and tell everyone around us how much we love Him” – Tim Hamer on Mission: Seek First the Kingdom of God

So with that being said, I make the following vows this year (with the help of the Holy Spirit, because I definitely can’t do this on my own)…
1. I vow to work for the Lord with all my heart, mind and strength.  (Matthew 22:37-40)
2. I vow to make Him known through my words, my actions, my efforts, my service. (Matthew 12:33-37)
3. I vow to build His Kingdom, not my own. (Matthew 6:33)
4. I vow to remember my identity in Christ, and come to Him with my insecurities. (Galatians 2:20)
5. I vow to praise Him, to thank Him, and to remember what He has done. (Psalm 9:1-2)

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” – Matthew 6:33-34 (ESV)

I read the above verses of Matthew 6 in mid-August, not allowing the words to make much of an impact. I read them again on August 28th, out of error thinking that it was Matthew 16. And yet while reading,  the words seemed new and fresh, a word of encouragement that I needed to hear, and a word that God prepared for me that morning. A few days later, I listened to a sermon preached on those verses… coincidence? I think not. God sure has a way of making a point.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise, Thou mine Inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
Be Thou my Vision 

My year in 5 words.

Faithful. This year, I experienced the tangible faithfulness of God. If in the future, I ever complain of God’s lack of faithfulness, please remind me of the 2016-2017 school year as an incredible display of God’s faithfulness. I started the year off with no potential LTOs, only to have 5 consecutive ones this year – I got called in for a week long job on the first day of school that turned into 4 weeks. A few weeks later, I was serving at a church event which resulted in turning down interviews because I could not make it there in time, only to have two jobs offered to me 20 minutes later. Months later, I was turning into a prayer meeting as a vice principal called me to offer me a job until the end of the year. Through my lack of trust, my fear of man and my tendency to complain, God’s faithfulness remains steadfast. I know that my God is faithful, but what an incredible way to experience His faithfulness this year.

Servant. This word has been on my heart for the past couple of months, reminding me of what I should be, who I should strive to be like and the attitude I should have in serving others. But truly, this has been one of my greatest struggles – to serve without expecting anything in return, to serve the people that I do not like, to serve when I do not feel like it. I want to be a servant. I want to be a servant of God and a servant of others. Two words come into my mind – hospitality and humility. Both of which I am lacking… which brings me to my next word..

Pride. Pride today seems to be have a positive connotation and yet if you could hear my thoughts on a daily basis as I drive in the car, it would not only encompass pride, but impatience, anger and likely hatred. I hope no one soon acquires the superpower of reading people’s minds, because i would have zero friends. This year, there have been times when pride has been flashing in large red letters as if warning me to not let it interfere with my relationships, my attitude, my job. And yet more often that that, it has been more like a check engine light, warning me that something needs to change and yet I procrastinate or tell myself that it can wait, there are other pressing issues to deal with. Pride – God has given me a reality check this year. I am scared to ask for God to humble me, because… I have… and well, he does. God has made my pride evident to me this year. And I am not proud of it… ha.

Get it? Because my dating life is a joke.
But yeah that happened this year, feel free to read more about it here  and here. 

Perseverance. I struggled with choosing this last word. Because unlike the last, this year has been hard. I did not enjoy every day at work, and my various jobs were met with quite unique challenges. Yes, it might have taken perseverance to go to work every day, whatever. But more than that it took perseverance for me to open my bible in the morning and read the Word… even when I did not feel like it. I went through a little bit of a dry spell… when I wasn’t feeling the Lord, and my reading was simply routine. In fact, I am still slowly trying to climb up, I want to be at a place when I am in love with the word again, and looking forward to my time with Him, rather than viewing it as a chore. I want to pray out of necessity not just out of want. Continuing to persevere in prayer and in His word has been one of the most difficult challenges this year and still continues to be.


Expect nothing in return

“Let me tell you the story of an angel that God had placed in my life”. She said to me. She proceeded to tell me about a stranger who had loved upon her within minutes of meeting her, and generously blessed her despite not knowing her. A stranger who took out the government cheque out of her purse, signed the back, and gave it to her without any questions asked, wishing that she had more to give. A stranger continued to give days, weeks, and months after, knowing that she was in need. A stranger who didn’t think of loving as an inconvenience but a joy. A stranger who quickly became a friend. A friend who she seldom talks to, but often talks about. I knew this stranger, I knew her friend, and hearing this story did not shock me at all. I didn’t think it was possible to love her even more – but I did. 

I think about these past couple of months, and I marvel at the faithfulness and sovereignty of God. Part of His faithfulness is demonstrated by the constant flow of work that He has steadily provided (seriously ask me about this in person, because it’s incredible how God orchestrates His plan). But God also continues to exemplify His faithfulness in the people that He has placed in my life these past couple of months.

Some are strangers, strangers who have started praying for me, before I even realize that they are praying. Strangers who have taught me about trusting in the Lord, going to a different church service to attend a Marshall’s sale later , and believing in the absolute power of of prayer.

Some are friends, friends who laugh with me and encourage me, who pray for me and serve with me. Friends who have spoken wisdom into my life, who have tried to set me up with someone they have already been out with, and not judge me for wanting to spend money on a VIP movie. Friends who will talk until there is no one left in the sanctuary and most importantly – friends who will fondue with you (highly recommend one of these).

Some are older, who have lived more life than I have, who have more wisdom than I have, and who love the Lord just as I do. Whose life experience is filled with anecdotes and stories, wisdom and folly, and whose words and advice are filled with grace and love.

Some are younger, who have taught me the importance of living fearlessly and boldly, all for the sake of the gospel. Adolescents who are burdened by the pain and sorrow of their friends, and who are filled with brokenness because they do not know the Lord. Students who will write essays about Christ, proclaim the gospel to their teachers, and boldly share truths with their friends.

Some (like the friend described above) of whom I think I am unworthy of. Servants of the Lord who make me question and challenge my faith and my actions simply by leading by example and following in the footsteps of Jesus. Who give willingly and generously, not just out of their abundance, and expecting nothing in return. Who love me and model the love of Jesus in my life, who challenge me to be more like Him and to love more like him – to love unconditionally without expecting anything in return.

“And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.”   – Luke 6: 34-36

6. hard but necessary

Dear beloved,

The date count has gone up. The total number of dates now that I have gone on has been 6. And while they have been positive experiences, I hoping that the number will stay at 6 until I meet you. Dating is confusing, it brings up more questions that it does answers, and the worst part is when it brings up unanswered questions. Dating is filled with uncertainty and while uncertainty helps me to depend on the Lord, it also scares terrifies me.

I find it pretty ironic that I started writing this post a couple of days ago, with an entirely different purpose, outlook and conclusion. The draft was saved, unfinished and unpublished, as if to say that I was even uncertain of what I was trying to say. And even as I sit here at 3:20am in the morning, having just waken up and unable to sleep with a myriad of thoughts in my head, I find myself writing aimlessly and trying to process what it is that I am actually thinking. It has been a tough couple of days, and I am slowly coming to the realization that uncertainty and not knowing all the answers can often be a good thing. Despite the amount of anxiety it has given me these past couple of days, uncertainty, in all of it’s glory has helped me rely on, and be more dependent on the Lord.

I am excited to meet you, and eager to get to know you, but now that I have had experience in dating, you can also add apprehensive to that list. Because getting to know you, as fun as it will be, also requires vulnerability. I am not an easily vulnerable person, mainly because being vulnerable means sharing something that you aren’t necessarily comfortable opening up about it, or answering a hard question that requires blatant honesty. Vulnerability requires trust, and trust is a hard thing to establish given a short time period, and is something that must be built. I hope that when we date, our trust will be built, that our trust will have a foundation of friendship, because figuring out if you want to date a stranger is pretty hard.

In the past couple of days, it seems like I have felt every single emotion on the spectrum of emotions, from anxiety, frustration, disappointment, confusion, dread to joy, wonderment, relief, eagerness and ultimately peace. Through this dating phase God has taught me some lessons that were surprising, and yet… necessary.

  1. It is better to be uncertain, than it is to be foolish.  – Being uncertain is not a bad thing, but it is a scary thing. It means being cautious, protective of my heart. Entering into a relationship isn’t going to be easy, and character is everything. How are you going to treat me, are you listening to what I am saying, are you going to remember what I have said, are you interested in getting to know me? Before I give my heart to you, before thinking of the future, these are questions that I now know should have solid answers.
  2. It is okay to not know what my desires are – Desires are simply that – desires. They are not written in stone, and they may and can change over time. I learned that the important part is to be pursued and loved as a partner first. Because a godly marriage is the foundation for a godly family. Are you pursuing me because of me, and the partnership that we can have in Christ, or are you pursuing me as a means to an end goal? I am still trying to figure out what my desires are. Those desires may change as I meet you, as I commit to you, and as I love you, as long as our desire first and foremost is for the Lord.
  3. There shouldn’t be any hesitations. – If and when I commit to something more with you, there will be no hesitations, on my part and on yours. Hesitations are different than fears – there will always be fears. Fears of failure, fear of the unknown, of heartbreak, of invested time that does not lead to marriage. But hesitations breed insecurity, insecurities – doubt, and doubt – mistrust. Any type of commitment should be entered in with confidence, joy, peace and eagerness to start something that will be glorifying to God. I want our commitment to take the fear of the unknown and make it exciting.
  4. Feelings aren’t everything, but they are something. – Attraction grows. I don’t know if I will be attracted to you at first, or if the attraction that I have for you and vice versa will grow as we get to know one another and see the hearts that we have for Christ and for each other. There are other feelings too though. Feelings of nervousness are important, feelings of anxiety and stress. I learned that if I feel these things I need to ask myself what is the source of these feelings, not simply regulate them and move on. God can use the way that I feel to reveal to me something that I had not known before.
  5. Being comfortable with vulnerability takes time. There was a point when I felt like i was having open heart surgery, without any warning or pre-op appointment. I appreciate honesty, openness and vulnerability, and I am willing to reciprocate. I learned that it is one thing to be vulnerable, and another to be comfortable with the vulnerability. Ideally it is the latter, sometimes vulnerability is worth the risk, and I know that it will be worth it with you.
  6. Friends in different stages. – I am so thankful for friends and family who have spoken into my life in different ways throughout the dating process. Friends who are single, married, divorced, and newly married – single parents, grandparents, married parents. They have all spoken truth into my life, with various viewpoints, experiences and nuggets of wisdom, I hope that you have people pouring into your life as well who love you enough to pray for you!
  7. Sanctification. Ultimately I see the dating process as a process of sanctification. And that is what has given me hope. In the past week alone, I have seen results of this, in my complete dependence on the Lord for wisdom and discernment. He has revealed to me the power of praying His word, specifically Psalm 143:8-10  which reads:
    Let me hear in the morning of Your steadfast love, for in You I trust.
    Make me know the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul.
    Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord! I have fled to You for refuge.
    Teach me to do Your will for You are my God!
    Let Your good spirit lead me on level ground!
     Psalm 143:8-10 
    These verses, now committed to memory, has been a saving grace this week, and to see and recognize how God has answered this prayer has been in and of itself been an incredible journey.

Dating is a lesson in selfishness, selflessness and sacrificial love. It is hard, confusing and while I do not regret any of these experiences, I also would not go back and repeat them. This past dating experience will take some healing, some recovery, some processing. Ultimately, we both left having shared the gospel and making a new friend. There were harder lessons to learn here, and some were necessary, and the way that I look at it all, is that it is preparing me for something greater, it is preparing me for you.

Dating is hard. Marriage will be harder. I am apprehensively excited to journey together,


Your future wife.

Honestly, Honesty

To the student who got to keep the marks that she didn’t actually earn. To the customer that got to keep the extra change that they accidentally received, after being truthful with the cashier… To the teacher who got the job after being honest about her… Oh wait, that didn’t actually happen…. 

I photocopied my evaluation, took off my jacket, wrote down my references and walked into that office – answers blaring ready to face any questions that were about to come at me. Engaging in small talk, I was honest about my situation – my contract date to be specific, and then I hear the words…”we can’t interview you”. 

Just like that my heart drops – an opportunity gone, the fear of the unknown creeping back in. Disappointment that I don’t get the opportunity to divulge what I know, my experience with the population. It is hard enough to obtain an interview, so to not be given the opportunity to be interviewed was hard to hear. A flood of emotions swept over me – regret, embarrassment, anger, sadness, disappointment, fear. All at once – would you believe me if I said that I am not an emotional person?

The contract dates overlapped. I understand. I also have no one to blame – they were following the rules, I was trying to seize every and any opportunity that would come my way. And unfortunately, this was not one that I would be ‘seizing’ anytime soon. I had multiple conversations regarding whether or not I should reveal the end date of my contract with many people. Some said ‘be upfront’, some said ‘be upfront only if they ask’. Others said, ‘Interview, wait until they want you, and then tell them the situation’. But I am held to a higher standard – and so the right thing, the biblical thing, the obedient thing to do was to be honest and upfront – hiding nothing. And so I did – and unfortunately things didn’t work out the way that I would have liked them to.

It’s so easy to think that obedience to Christ means that we will always get what we want – until things don’t turn out the way I want them to. But following Christ requires sacrifice, promises persecution, endures hardship, and calls for obedience, even when the outcome is not in our favour. We are not promised straight A’s, a comfortable & safe life, nor are we promised a full time job with benefits and summers off. We receive something better – unfathomable truth, an everlasting joy, victory over sin and death, eternal life, forgiveness of our sins, righteousness through Christ, the gift of the Holy Spirit, grace upon grace.

I would have loved this job, but I thank God that He is sovereign, because I know that it is not where He wants me. He is going to use me in a different way, in a better way, in a way I may never know, to give Him glory. Also, His faithfulness has never failed me, why should I start doubting now?

So I walked to the car, without an interview, jobless and angry – a myriad of thoughts and feelings intertwining like a web. This was not a happy ending. Honestly, honesty – I hope we can do better next time…. but at least I can write about it. 

5. dating

Dear Beloved,

It has dawned on me recently that in order to marry you, I will, at some point, have to date you. It should seem like common sense, but I guess as I have grown up, I have always expected to befriend someone, for a friendship to grow into a relationship, and for that relationship to one day turn into marriage. I expected courtship to be easy, natural, organic if you will. And here we are, we come to the word that I have recently realized that I detest…. dating.

What is dating? I don’t know. I wish dating would mean the art of putting dates into a dessert or sweet treat or slapping an expiry date onto a breadloaf – sounds simple enough to me. Because I have no idea what I am doing in this area of life. Nor did I ever think that I would be ‘dating’, I don’t even know if that is what I am doing, but I really don’t know what other trendy name they are calling it these days. People add the word ‘biblical’ to the front of the word dating, to what they call ‘biblical dating’ or ‘biblical courtship’ and well – that’s when they have really lost me.

I find it hard to wrap my mind around dating, perhaps because I have so many mixed feelings about it. I love that you can intentionally get to know someone better, and perhaps in some cases meet a new friend, but if that were the only case, we would stop wondering about what the other person would be thinking. In all honesty, if it doesn’t work out (and I am far from being an expert) would I consider it time wasted? I’m hoping that whatever time I spend ‘dating’ would be glorifying to the Lord and fruitful in some way; that God would use it for His glory. I thank God for His sovereignty, because only a sovereign God would be able to use a bad date for something good (insert light chuckle here).

I wish that when I walk into a coffee shop, sirens and flashing lights will go off, a marquee wouldn’t hurt either, as if for God to say, ‘THIS IS THE ONE’! I am told that it is not this easy. I will say this – I am excited for the ‘dating’ to be over. To be able to look back, reminisce and see what God has done through those dates ‘good or bad’. Because regardless of the dates, I am sure that God is at work, someway and some how. I am constantly praying that God will be given glory – always, even with a short time together. When we make that final commitment to marriage, beloved, I am sure that our relationship, courtship, and period of ‘dating’ will point towards the cross, will be a testament to what God has done in both our lives, and that we will be more fruitful together than when we are apart.

… maybe dating doesn’t seem so bad after all… HA – yeah right.

Anxiously dating,

Your beloved