I was up until two o clock last night, tossing and turning, and then up again at 5:30. I started googling “Can Christian girls ask out boys?” Humorous isn’t it? And of course in a round about fashion, scanning article after article, my question was never answered, but I was left in more confusion and asking more questions. “Was this in obedience to Christ? Is this selfish?” – the list goes on. I woke up from the little sleep with determination, conviction and confidence – I’m going to do it today, I’m going to ask…I’m going to tell him, and then I talked to my mom.
It is taking more strength for me to do nothing and to say nothing. I am praying, I am praying hard. Not just for what I want, but for the will of the Lord to be done. I would be ecstatic if He would oblige me, but He is God – I receive barrels of His grace freely every day, all I want is to be obedient to Him. And that was my new struggle: my head and my heart was both pulling me in the same direction – BUT MY MOM, she was pulling me in the other. All of a sudden the grey area became more black and white, doing this – telling him that I am interested in him, and wanting to get to know him – would have been going against the will of my mom – not that I haven’t ever disobeyed my mom, because I likely disobey her daily as well (hence the barrels of grace), but the bible does say to respect and obey your parents. She said that she needs time – so time is what I am giving her.
So here I am, writing, or as I put it, stalling? because my heart and my head want to do something, and yet my mom wants me to do something different. She is telling me to wait. So I continue to wait slightly on my mom, but more so on the Lord, knowing that this is testing my patience, and my endurance. It is taking me much more strength to do nothing, than to type a few words and press enter. It is taking me more strength and more patience to trust in Him, knowing that this was part of His plan to begin with. Man, I’m a mess now, could you imagine if I didn’t have Jesus?