Ready to Mingle? Errr.. not so much.
I love my job. I also love my co-workers, and naturally every friendship eventually gets to the point where you ask: “Are you seeing anyone?” “what’s your story?” etc. As stories are shared, and laughs are laughed, we finally get to me.
I never know what to say. I do NOT have anything to share. Others have funny stories, embarrassing experiences… juicy goodness? I have always been single – not always willingly, but I have never been embarrassed about my relationship status. I simply have nothing to share – nothing of thrill, excitement, humour, or entertainment. I do have a story of redemption, healing, forgiveness and pain- but I always find an excuse, or a fear to refrain from sharing that.
So YES – I am single. But I am NOT ready to mingle (whatever that means). I don’t know what I want. Perhaps it is the life stage that I am in right now. I haven’t entertained online dating – I am not against it, but not signing up just yet. I am not one to casually date around, or go clubbing or to bars to meet people. I don’t want to waste time looking or wondering. Call me crazy – but I want God to use a marquee with flashing lights and an arrow that says “THIS IS THE ONE YOU WILL MARRY”… just so no time is wasted in the process.
I can think of three boys that I have truly had feelings for… perhaps they are the only ones I want to remember. I am currently at that point where every Christian, single, available guy I meet has question marks and possibilities beside them. But THEN I roll my eyes, and think… forget it, I don’t need unnecessary, confusing thoughts – a new friend is good enough for me.
I occasionally come across what I like to call “marriage envy” – When I witness the interactions and conversation of a married couple, tilt my head and think – I want that. Granted, I also come across “marriage shudder” – when I see people who are married and think… HOW? and NOT ME – EVER. Those passing feelings make me look up and wonder if a man is going to come down in a hot air balloon and make himself known, but a sigh of relief passes when I realize that there is no one there. Not yet, anyways. I know that my sovereign God has got it all figured out – I truly hope He makes the path blatantly obvious, I am not one for subtlety 😉 HA
“Keep dreaming Sandra”.