Potpourri [n]- a mixture of things especially in a musical or literary medley but right now it is a mix of the things that Sandra Goh is simply thinking about.
Why do I blog?: I may have mentioned this years ago, but this is extremely therapeutic to me. Mainly because I actually do not care who reads this. It could be a stranger, my parents or my very best friend. But what I write here, is not for anyone else, but for me. Something that I want to let out, to anyone who will listen – or in this case read. Sometimes it’s a need – for me to understand myself. Today I sat in my car, and I was thinking so many different things at once, and i could think of was that i needed to blog. Hence why I am sitting here past my bedtime, on a school night.
Sadness: My heart was sad because her heart was sad, because she made him cry. Today at school, P ripped a sticker off of another student who ended up crying. She was distraught and yet focused on retrieving that sticker. Something in her head was telling her that the sticker didn’t belong on his arm, or perhaps there was something wrong with the sticker. After writing her apology card, and after reinforcing that the sticker was not hers, P was sad, very sad. She kept making her sad face, and singing her sad song, and when asked why she was sad, she said because Jules was sad, and that he was crying. She sang a song about crying, softly and to herself, but she was sorry and from what I could tell, regretful. While I felt bad, I also felt proud, that she was aware of her actions and the consequences. Every day I am amazed at what my students know, and what they are capable of.
Disappointment: Sometimes I feel like I can fix the problem. Oh, I could not be more wrong. Other times i think that I am the cause of the problem, better yet- I point the finger at someone else. I am not in control of the behaviour of my students. I cannot fix their behaviour or control their impulses. There are times where they themselves are unable to control their impulses. Sandra, stop blaming yourself, do your best, implement the strategies that you think that you will help, rely on your team and work together. I am not here to fix, I am here to teach. God can change people and change hearts, behaviours too.
Fear & hatred: I need to remind myself, that I am not at work to be liked by principals or vice principals, teachers or teaching assistants, or even my students. I am there to do my job well for the glory of God. I fear what people think about me when what I should be fearing God. I worry about working for the approval of others. I need to work for Christ: love Him and love others. This is His will for me in Christ Jesus. I hate that i fear the opinion of others. I hate that someone’s opinion my work or efforts can change the way that I feel about myself. Sandra, stop working for the approval of others, work for the approval of Christ.
Discipline: More like a lack there of. I sincerely have a lack of discipline in praying, reading, eating, exercising, working, waking up. Lack of discipline also means an overwhelming amount of laziness. Ever realize how important discipline is in your life? I need it. I NEED IT NOW.
Pride: I am so prideful, and lately I have been extremely spiritually prideful. I am a sinner; just like everyone else- I need to remind myself of this time and time again. The very last thing I need is to think that I am deserving of the grace of God. It is so easy to judge when we don’t know what is going on in their lives. Sandra, you are a sinner – just. like. them.
Alex Wassabi: I am very attracted to his laugh & his ability to laugh. He’s pretty darn good-looking too. Future boyfriend will have to love to laugh like this, because I love to laugh. Seriously fangirling on this youtuber right now…. he reminds me of someone – that also might be why. HA. whoops – I guess I have a type.