“You are doing great,” I said, “Keep up the good work, let me know if you need rest, Do you need anything from me?” These are all things that I said to my staff member on the first day of work this week. And I was proud of myself – proud that I was being supportive, and proud that I knew the needs of my staff.
Then a volunteer approaches that same staff member and says “Hey, Can I pray with you outside right now?” and my pride hit rock bottom, humility came over me. Why didn’t I think of prayer? The thought didn’t even cross my mind. I relied on compliments and positive reinforcement, my own leadership to help and to build up. Why didn’t I turn to the Lord? I know and I trust that God is working, and with the first day jitters and the chaos of logistics and registration, I had yet to pray – either alone or with the staff.
Adopting an attitude & a discipline of prayer has been and is a struggle for me. I will naturally turn to logic, tangible actions, and a to-do list to get me through the day. And so, I decided to go to prayer meeting, because then I would pray. But OH did God steer me in the other direction – I was a mess, a blubbering mess. We started praying and I was completely overwhelmed – with joy and with a sense of privilege. Who am I to be able to serve God in this ministry? Why has He chosen me to use me here? Why me – why am I so privileged and honoured to even be able to worship and praise this Almighty God? Here, through the power of prayer, without having to utter a single word, the Holy Spirit overwhelmed me, broke me and encouraged me – something only the Almighty God can do. It is a privilege to be able to serve Him, it is a privilege to be able to pray to Him, it is a privilege to be in this relationship with Him.
Thank you God for saving me.
I am so unworthy, yet still He loves me.