something more?

On thursday, we had fellowship. its been a while since i have felt so many feelings in one day. happiness, disappointment, sadness, confusion, i honestly don’t even know what im feeling anymore. Hopefully God will help me interpret everything that i am feelings.

I saw you, and i smiled, cause i get to talk to you, hear about your day, about how you are doing. then when you went to class i couldnt help but wish you would finish early so that you could keep me company. then you walked past me to go to the gym, and i just was so disappointed for a couple of minutes, until you came back up again to hang out. i dont want my emotions to be dependent of you, im praying that above all else, my feelings will be focused on the Lord and what he wants for me above all. The hardest part is to completely trust in him, and wait for his answer at the same time.

sometimes when you remind me of things that i told you about years ago, it makes me wonder why you decided to remember that fact. Sometimes when we argue, im having so much fun with you, that i forget that i am arguing with you. Sometimes when you put me first before yourself, it makes me feel guilty because i should have considered what you wanted.

its become harder for me to not approach you and to not text or message you. I was never so aware of how i was just able to be myself around you. Now i find myself wanting to tell you everything on my mind, invite you everywhere i am going cause i want to spend time with you .

on thursday we stood over the balcony floor overlooking the magic cards tournament. something about standing there next to you, your arm touching mine was so comforting especially cause we just stood there talking. something so simple, and yet i realized that being there with you just brought me so much joy.

the car ride home was me and you that day. just the two of us. i wanted it to go on forever. i didnt get impatient at slow cars, i didnt look at the blinking lights when i came to a red light, i simply just enjoyed your company. every week, i feel like we wait for pia and melissa to leave sot hat we can have a real conversation for about five minutes.

i sincerely enjoy your company. i took you for granted in first and second year. but ever since last year, i see your presence effecting me more and more in a positive way, and i couldnt be more thankful that you’re my friend. and if God wills it, then perhaps you will be something more.


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